*foams at the mouth* Oh my god... I feel overwhelmed. @_@;

Okay. Okay. Okay. Breathe. Remember reality. Go back to nice and safe reality.

I'm just exaggerating, I'm sure, but... yeesh. Pressure scares the bejeezus out of me.
_{Yes, I'm talking about Chrysanthemum.}
So I don't even know what to do... I've lost all motivation to write.

Actually, I lie. I'm TOTALLY motivated to write it, but I've also hit a TOTAL writer's block. Maybe forcing out a chapter will get me back in the flow of writing? But I haven't really written since what, last summer? It's been almost a year, and yet I still get messages with people being like, "Are you going to update plzzzzzz? T_T" and "OMG, are you okay?! Why haven't you updated???"

It's touching, really. It makes me happy. And then being the colossal failure that I am, it also makes me scared to death to write for fear of just being a disappointment.

And my writer's block.

And time.

Where does time keep rushing off to? Has it really been so long? What have I been doing???
(_{Okay, that one's easy to answer. I've been studying on the other side of the planet, travelling, working full-time, dealing with social drama, visiting my elderly parents before they croak.})
But srsly. I don't even know where the time went. Where are the days when writing made me happy? I don't know what to write or what to draw anymore. Where's my muse?

It's not that I don't have ideas. Oh lordy, no-- I've got plenty of ideas. I'm dying to just get Chrys totally off my plate so I can write Lethe and Sixty Percent, the latter of which I haven't even posted chapter one of, even though it's been written for a year. I want to write Chu-Con, a three-chapter short fic. I should post Orange, which I wrote in Japan in a week and never typed up.

I want to work on original stories, too. I want to create characters, create worlds, draw comics.

But I think I'm just drained. Tired of everything. I want to curl up and sleep. Even when I get enough sleep, I feel like I haven't had enough sleep. I feel extremely aimless right now, which I know is perfectly normal for this point in my life, but being cognizant that fact doesn't really help me.

日本に戻りたい。

苺ちゃんと一緒にいたい。

サツマイモを食べたい。
京都で買い物したい。
写真を撮りたい。
絵を描きたい。
美しい思い出を作りたい。。。

私の人生の意味を探したい。

自分の意味を分かりたい。